Apparently J Crew has caused a stir! Something far worse than the Abercrombie and Finch catalog, something even more deadly than the superbugs lurking in the corners of your child’s school, they have…are you ready for it…they have featured a little boy wearing pink nail polish. Oh my word! The world is officially over. The sky is falling, we’ve lost our understanding of our roles, kids will need hours of therapy now because they saw a little boy in pink nail polish, *walks outside to inspect the chaos that is ensuing…nothing*.

Now let’s all take a minute to come back to earth, and examine this insanity known as the “culture war”. What exactly are we at war over? The fact that we have reached a point where we realize there are more important things in life than what color a child likes, where we realize that clothing isn’t what makes your gender, but it is instead your hardware *as in a penis or a vagina that makes you male or female*. Why exactly is this considered a war? Shouldn’t we be celebrating the fact that we as a people have evolved to the point where we realize that what a child plays with, or what clothing they wear means nothing, and what matters is the love and support they receive from their caregivers.

I’ve discovered in this process of parenting boys that there is a different set of expectations for males. While we have reached the point where we “overlook” “boyish” behavior in girls usually adding in snide remarks about her “outgrowing it”, we still expect little boys to be violent, rough, tough, and dirty. Our ideals of what makes a boy into a man are so warped that it’s not even funny. We beat into their heads at a young age with toys, movies, shows, and in some cases through their caregivers as well, that anything even remotely “female” is to be avoided and if not then they will grow up to be weak “sissies”. Now from my vantage point as a mother of boys I find this thinking damaging.

How can I possibly raise boys into men who are secure in whom they are if I allow those ideals to rule in my home? How could that thinking possibly be healthy for them, especially if they do favor things that are considered “for girls only”. How can any young child reach their full potential if they always here “no only boys can do that” or “no, you’re not a girl so don’t even think about it!” Who the hell really cares if it’s a “boys” toy or a “girls” toy?! And why the hell should such trivial things matter?!

Yes there are some biological differences in males and females, but what exactly do those have to do with how we dress or how we play? Just because I pee sitting down doesn’t mean I can’t grab a light saber and pretend with my boys. Just because they can pee standing up doesn’t mean they can’t dress up like princesses and fairies. Our hardware, outside of reproduction, means nothing. It should not define who we are in this life.

WE as people should be able to define who we are, what we like, and how we want to present ourselves to the world, free from man-made ideas of what is or isn’t male or female behavior. Call these thoughts my “evil liberal ideals” I personally don’t give a damn. I would much rather have my children grow up to be confident, secure, and well aware of who they are then spend the precious years I have with them pushing societies warped ideas of what a man is or isn't on them.

In our home they are free to be them, be it in a dress, pants, or their underwear. They are who they are. And I think as parents we should be more concerned with ensuring they grow up proud of who they are, then wasting time worrying if their likes or dislikes fit into some ancient mold of what they should or shouldn’t be based on what’s between their legs.

In 2007 5.8 million children were abused, and those are just the reported cases, there are more millions more that go unreported. Yet instead of putting our energies into fighting something that not only leaves children physically and emotional scarred but also kills them in many cases, we instead have “wars” over how some are dressed?

Let’s think about this folks millions of children in America are abused, yet we fight over the ones in loving homes who are allowed to be themselves…someone please tell me I’m not the only one who sees something terribly wrong with that.

It’s time for American citizens to get their priorities in order, and realize that there are more important things than the color on a little boys toes.

Copyright(c)2011 Rayven Holmes


  1. I typed a loooong reply to your blog but the dang internet ate it.
    suffice it to say that I enjoyed your post.

  1. ****Thundering applause**** Living on a military base I see it every day. My boys all wear pink and purple.. My teenage son informed me that pink is the new black..

  1. AMEN.

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