tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60537291994208806452024-03-13T17:11:27.305-04:00Ramblings...Of A Dysfunctional HomeschoolerRholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.comBlogger203125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-46118373002008709202015-09-12T23:14:00.003-04:002015-09-12T23:14:56.299-04:00One Life <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I woke up at 430am this morning I told myself I was going to write about our adventures. This post was going to be the triumphant story of General Disarray and I marching in the NAACP’s America’s Journey for Justice march. Our misadventures in the rain and deep awe inspiring conversations on race, religion, and the world. I was going to look like a really fucking fantastic parent, on paper. Life doesn’t go the way we script it in our minds, though. No, it’s unpredictable and chaotic. It laughs in the face of hopes, plans, dreams, and even our sorrows. The wheel is going to turn and all we can do is hold on and enjoy the beating wind against our faces as it cuts us and licks away our tears. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Life happened. Six miles into a rainy humid day in Virginia. General Disarray and I hopped on a crowded bus and attempted to find seats. Such is life, and bus seat roulette, General Disarray ended up next to a friend of his and I found a seat nearby. A few moments later I was joined by the older man who had occupied that same section throughout the whole journey. He got comfortable next to me and I twiddled my thumbs and fiddled with my phone. I knew what was coming. I can always sense when people are going to talk to me. It’s like some sort of anxiety-riddled introverted six sense. I dread it. I can do it, but I don’t like to. People, though, seem to enjoy talking to me. I don’t understand it, but they keep doing it. So I brace myself, check the anxiety, and reciprocate the conversation. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Introductions took place. The usual name, hailing coordinates, and situation specific questioning. From there our conversation veered into a million different directions. From his life experiences and family to religion and politics. Humans can fit a lot of conversation into 30 minutes. It often amazes me… maybe that’s why I keep giving into the demands for talking. It was one of those conversations that when it’s over you’re glad it happened, even as you sink back into the insanity of your own mind you’re glad life threw you a curve.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You refuel on hope and fried chicken. The rain subsides and you feel pumped. Life is happening and it’s the kind of life that makes being human enjoyable. Where every cell of your body is awake and positive. It’s a high. We spend our lives in search of these fleeting moments. We look for them in a variety of experiences that dot our human existence. They are temporary. We know this while we’re living them that they won’t last. They can’t, because that’s not how life operates. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">True to form, life literally stopped us in our tracks and there face down in the moist concrete was the man I shared a brief human experience with. As he shouted that his life mattered, death -the one human experience we’re all running from- came to the party. I believe moments like that show us for the fearful creatures we are. Everyone turns to god, he’ll make it all better. As EMTs do their job, prayers fill the air falling into nothingness. Everyone is afraid of the reality they can see with their own eyes, because if death came for him at this very moment then death could come for any of us. We’re not safe. No amount of praying or playing it safe will keep death from our doorstep. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For me, as an atheist, I stand there knowing no one is listening. That this is life. I stand there fully aware of mortality. Fully present in the reality that in 38 short years that could be me. Hell, even tomorrow that could be me. I’ve spent this year dancing with my own mortality. If I’m completely honest about the situation I’m ignoring the last test and follow-up, because every test before points to the same thing. Medication until shit gets worse… then more medications…. until death comes knocking on my door sooner than I want it to. I want to make it to 100 glorious years of age and I welcome my body to prove me wrong, but I’m not given that guarantee. None of us are. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So what do we do? Fall to our knees and beg for more time? Sit in our houses and bury ourselves in a sea of despair and hopelessness? Or worse, play it safe hoping to hold off death as long as possible? No, no that’s not how I operate. I’m not guaranteed life, but I’m guaranteed death and that’s something. I know what’s coming. I don’t know when and I don’t know how, but it’s coming for me. It’s coming for all of us. I can work with that guarantee and use that knowledge as a reminder that I need to let those I love know it. As well as let those I can’t stand know that they can kiss my beautiful caramel colored ass, and to remember to make the story of my life a beautiful piece of prose that I would want to read more than once. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Copyright(c)2015 Rayven Holmes </i></span></div>
Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-17264660908556618252015-09-10T09:30:00.000-04:002015-09-10T09:30:00.126-04:00Training Them Up<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Train up a child in the way he should go, a</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.38; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">nd when he is old he will not depart from it. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.38; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Proverbs 22:6</span></i></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve argued before that parenting, to some extent, involves training our children. Or conditioning them to have certain responses through how we interact with them in various situations, either positively or negatively. We shout “No, hot!” when they reach for the stove and our raised voice, which they have been conditioned to interpret as not normal in healthy situations, alerts them to know that they shouldn’t touch the hot item. Some children will accept this warning, others will question it, and a few will touch it any damn way. I have one of each. Parenting them is a constant experiment in human behavior. I do my best to condition them to have responses that will ensure their health and well-being, such looking both ways when crossing a busy street. I do this by explaining the danger, practicing the behavior myself, and responding to their actions with praise or correction. When the cars are removed I expect the same response as if the cars were there. They are individuals, though, so my risk taker isn’t going to be as cautious as his brothers. *I’m pretty sure he’s the reason my hair is going gray. Seriously, he walks into the street without looking all the time like there isn’t danger out there. Why? Why does he do that?!* Anyways..., this is where parenting only takes you but so far, because children are individuals. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Unless you prescribe to the methods of the <a href="http://nogreaterjoy.org/about-us/meet-the-pearls/" target="_blank">Pearls</a>. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh, the Pearls. I can’t remember when I first came across their promise of well-behaved/fully obedient children, but I will admit at first I thought “Holy shit that’s awesome!” On a shitty day the promise of being able to say “Clean your room” only once is a powerful aphrodisiac. Once the fantasy fades, and you actually read what goes into producing such “well-behaved” children, you are able to see their parenting philosophy for what it is. A flawed theory based on bronze age insanity that seeks to crush what makes our children the vibrant individuals they are, in hopes of making our lives as parents easier. While there are days I wish this parenting gig got easier, I know it isn’t supposed to be easy because I’m doing the work of raising humans. I'm striving to raise thriving unique individuals who are free to question and think critically about everything, including why we shouldn’t touch hot objects with our bare hands or cross streets without looking first. Not mindless robots with broken spirits. It isn’t easy, but nothing worth doing well will be. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, why am I bringing up the Pearls and their parenting philosophy if it is vastly different from my own? Because, I’m a sucker for producing enlightening and entertaining television...or intervision? Karen, BeAsia, and I have been throwing around the idea of a show where we attempted to live biblically in our parenting for a week. I know, it’s a scary thought. You all have seen our kids on the show from time to time, that shit wouldn’t fly with that lot of heathens, and thank The Great Noodle for that! I still felt it would be an interesting experiment to explore, so for the rest of September I’ll be using the Pearls methods and documenting it here. Then on September 27th we’ll discuss the experience on The Secular Parents. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now, before I get a bunch of emails let me explain how I’m doing this: </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I won’t actually use the Pearls methods on my children. I’ve put too much hard work into raising critical thinkers with a high self-worth to undo that. Plus, I love them far too much to break them. How can we break someone we love? I never could wrap my mind around that concept. Love is about building someone up not tearing them down. At least that's how I see it. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ll log my children’s behavior and the “appropriate” consequence(s) the Pearls recommend I use along with what I actually did and why I do things the way I do. </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ll ask my children how they would feel if their consequence was what is recommended and document their response as well as my own response. </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">On the show, I will have a visual to show the number of times it’s recommended to physically harm my children. I like visuals. While I deal in words, nothing can take the place of a powerful visual. </span></div>
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<br /><br /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There will probably be swearing, ok there WILL be swearing, with my commentary as I work my way through the next couple of weeks. So much swearing and ranting…who the hell thinks it's ok to beat an infant?! Thor help me, it's going to be a long two weeks. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Copyright(c)2015 Rayven Holmes </i></span></div>
Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-56517535454561954312015-08-28T11:07:00.001-04:002015-08-28T11:07:48.742-04:00Woo, Wine, and a Vlog <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">First, let me say welcome to all the newbies. If this post doesn’t scare you off then we should do lunch sometime… from the safety of our homes. Not out in the world where the normal people are. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now, let’s separate the normal folks from the folks who would dine with me…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Woo. It intrigues me. If you don’t know what woo is, it’s basically pseudo-science. If someone is explaining something to you and your brain actually stops and says “WTF did they just say” you’ve encountered the woo. Woo can be fun sometimes. We’ve all read our horoscopes before but, it can also be dangerous when people replace sound medical advice with some stuff they found on the internet. We’re not getting into the dangerous stuff here, though, because I happen to enjoy my heathen existence. Instead, we’re going into the wacky world of vaginal steaming. A crazy trend made popular by a rich white woman who clearly needs more to do. <i>*Psst, Gwyneth, my carpets needs a good steam if you’re free.*</i></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">While it <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/jan/30/sorry-gwyneth-paltrow-but-steaming-your-vagina-is-a-bad-idea" target="_blank">can be dangerous</a> and I’m pretty sure repeated use will probably cause some really funky shit to go on down there. I did this once and will not be doing it again, plus I was drinking... so yeah. Do as I say, not as I do people. Don’t steam your vaginas! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Originally, I was going to blog the process, instead I pulled out a bottle of wine and my camera. The following transpired. If you get a kick out of me doing random woo shit then leave a suggestion for some other crazy stuff. Wine donations are always welcomed, too. And without further ado I give you all my first vlog! <a href="https://youtu.be/lNp76uDq4yo" target="_blank">Steaming Vag!</a> Enjoy! </span></div>
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<i>Copyright(c)2015 Rayven Holmes </i></div>
Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-89395650034290201722015-07-15T09:00:00.000-04:002015-07-15T09:00:07.465-04:00The Myth of Perfect <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A little over a month ago I tossed an inflatable into the room we’ve lovely dubbed “The Library” and fired the first of what would be a series of shots on both ends that ultimately brought about the moment every couple swears they’ll never experience when they get married. The </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>“we need to divorce”</i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> talk. There have been tears, rage, and more tears, because even when you know it’s the right thing to do that doesn’t erase the emotions that went into the relationship. Instead they bubble up, unexpectedly, encompassing you without a moment’s notice. You find yourself standing in a group of people completely in control and then out of nowhere the air leaves your lungs and your balance feels unsteady. You struggle to regain your composure before anyone notices the haze filling your eyes, it’s painful and frustrating especially when the world doesn’t know the truth. You are at war with your emotions and logic, and even some days your spouse, but to the rest of the world you and your family are as they always have been. That’s the myth of perfect at work. Two weeks ago, The Spouse and I started the uncomfortable process of letting the outside world know where we were headed. His outing involved work. I went with social media because, I figured it would be like pulling off a band-aid. Quick and virtually painless. While it was quick, painless it was not. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Our lives go through filters. This isn’t a new concept brought about by social media, no matter what the newest trending article claims, it’s something we as a human race have done for generations. Always smiling and putting the best image of ourselves, our family, and our relationships forward. Every now and then a bit of the truth slips out, but, for the most part, our lives are heavily edited to produce a show we want people to believe really takes place. Maybe that’s why reality television is so popular, we’re all doing it and reality television reminds us that we’re not the only ones using more than Instagram filters when interacting with the world. Of course when bits and pieces of the filters fall away and people get to actually view the unedited footage there are questions. One question, or a variation of it, that I keep encountering is </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>“You guys looked so happy and perfect, what happened?” </i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There’s that word, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>perfect</i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. I won’t lie, we did look pretty damn perfect some days and not all of those conversations or pictures were put through a filter. Plenty of them were, though, and even more were left on the cutting room floor to never be gazed upon by anyone other than myself. Why? Because they didn’t support the myth of perfect. The myth that my marriage and my life were aspirations that others should reach for. I would often cringe when someone would tell me that they longed for a relationship like the one the Spouse and I had. Of course, they only knew the bits I shared and I made sure to never share the ugly bits. Having to share the ugly bits, or at least acknowledge that we had enough of them to terminate our relationship, has been painful. A variety of things seems to happen when you tell people where you truly are in life, you either get support, advice which isn’t always useful or solicited, or questions you often don’t have the answers to, booze, and pain. Because you can’t peel away the veneer that the perfect myth places on life without taking some flesh with it, you get plenty of pain.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The pain is a double edged sword, on one hand it begs you to go back to the safety of the myth. It wants you to bask in the comfort of those rose colored filters where the reality of your life was lived alone and isolated from the prying eyes that would offer their half-baked thoughts and opinions on your situation. Then the pain grabs you and reminds you why it exist. It shakes you and rocks you to your core, preventing you from going anywhere but forward. While the truth hurts, pretending kills. So you stop pretending. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now that you all know that dysfunctional wasn’t just a cute blog title, but an actual indication of the insanity in which our family has lived, where do we go from here? I know the question portion is coming. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*Engaging announcer font*</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Will The Bringers of Mayhem still be homeschooled? Was it the military that caused this breakdown of such a lovely family? Did you try hard enough? </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The line of questioning folks throw at you boarders on fucking insane, while some are legitimate and ok to ask, others are not. I would say most, actually, are </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>not </b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ok to ask. I have to tell you all before you hit that comment button, think first! </span></div>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-623981f5-8f78-d2c6-5c7c-7227f82b90fe"></span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I will go ahead and answer the most asked questions, because I’m nice like that: that’s what we all want to see happen, it’s not completely to blame nor is it totally blameless, and I don’t understand that question. What exactly is enough and who gets to determine when you’ve reached it? If you ask me I will say yes, if you ask The Spouse he’ll probably say no. We see our relationship and its end through a different set of eyes and experiences even when some of those experiences were shared. That’s the reality of any human relationship. We all see the world through different eyes and different experiences. At some point in time those differences either become the relationship's strength or it becomes their weakness. No matter how many filters we apply or edits we make for the world, we still have to view our relationships with our eyes wide open no matter how much it hurts. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Copyright(c)2015 Rayven Holmes </i></span></div>
Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-83150685295465171682015-06-18T14:34:00.005-04:002015-06-18T14:34:52.414-04:00It's Easy To Just Pray <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh America, you’ve provided the world with yet another reminder of your sordid history with terrorism against black people. I’ve explained to a few people over the last six months that while social media has brought to light the brutality faced by people of color, these things aren’t new. No, they are in fact very, very old. My brother and I, as well as everyone of color we knew, grew up being taught how to act just to appease white people. “Don’t say anything too controversial or </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">they</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> may get offended”, “Don’t wear this, style your hair like that, do anything that may make you stand out even more than your brown skin does, because it may upset </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">them</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">”. I’ve never been very good at behaving in the </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">approved </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">manner. This post will be a glaring example of that. Don’t say you weren’t warned. </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-1ce4a1e0-07e9-7927-e0ab-0b8ad2ef1b88" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Last night a white male walked into a historically black church in the south, he was given admission into a black safe haven, he was welcomed. Then he killed nine people. People of color. People with ambitions, goals, and families. Stolen from their community, because we’ve yet to really address the issues with race that we have in this country. Instead, we hide behind the thinly-veiled lie of colorblindness and prayer. Prayer, America’s quick band-aid. My newsfeed this morning is alive with prayers for the families and community in SC. It’s the ultimate easy button. Why get involved? Why shine a light on the deeply disturbing history of terrorism against blacks, browns, and tans in this country, especially in their houses of worship, when you can just pray about it? </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Does prayer actually solve anything, though? No, it doesn’t. Let’s look at it from a logical standpoint. By current Abrahamic theology, an all-powerful, all-knowing male figure that goes by the name God controls everything. Everything. From the patches in my yard that are brown instead of green to the results of sporting events. And that natural disaster? God did it. And those dead black bodies staining America’s history, God allowed those too. So, what are we praying for? For him to make it all better? To comfort the families who will forever be incomplete? For blacks to not lose their shit over another hate crime perpetrated against our community? </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You can hit your knees and intertwine your fingers all day long. You can fill up social media with quickly pieced together prayer memes and a few sentences between your Instagram photos of your breakfast, but you aren’t actually doing anything. You’re patting each other on the backs for showing concern and then going about your day, while the black community gets another example of hatred to add to the box, another set of names for the list of brothers and sisters taken far too soon.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know, I hear the grumbles starting, “But what can </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">we</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> do?” Get off your damn knees and seek out ways that you can actually DO something, that's what you can do. Don’t just sit there and say “I don’t know what to do”, look for things to do. If you can find all those cat pictures you share, you can also find ways to break down the centuries-long hate that built this country and is still neatly woven into the fabric of the flags everyone will be waving in a couple of weeks. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Reach out to your local NAACP chapter and other organizations in your community that work with minorities, and NOT while wearing blackface. Rally your church to do something other than offer up a moment of silence this Sunday. Challenge the people around you who will begin the cycle of whitewashing, providing every excuse under the sun why this happened instead of addressing the actual cause of it. Challenge the media outlets around you that have, and will continue to, describe the suspect as a “quiet young man who no one ever expected to commit such crimes”. Call out the glaring inconsistencies in police and judicial treatment when he is ultimately taken, unharmed, and given a </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">supposedly</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> fair trial that will paint him as a troubled young man who made a mistake instead of the hateful terrorist he really is. Even though we all know that if the shoe was on the other foot this is not how things would transpire. </span></div>
<br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Use your voice for something other than empty prayers that don’t impact the course of our society at all. That's what <b>YOU</b> can do. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6666669845581px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Copyright(c) 2015 Rayven Holmes </i></span></span></div>
Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-61460217622568402362015-06-16T21:54:00.000-04:002015-06-16T21:54:22.013-04:00Beautiful Scars <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We all carry the scars of life. We bleed our failures. Taste the salty tears of regret. Our flesh burns with unfilled dreams, hopes, and desires. We’re all painted from a palette of brokenness, a palette that carries our own unique shades. Are these beautiful scars all that gets to define us, or is there more? What have the scars left? Resilience? Determination? Strength? Self-love? </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-5d5dca62-ff33-0d60-35e0-2e71cee96087" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As I stand in my bathroom running my hands over the skin that greets this world, I can’t help but see the scars the world can’t see. To me, they are clear as the blemishes that dot my face. I use to believe that my scars, these beautiful badges of torment, defined me. I believed they were all that got to tell my story. They don’t, though, instead they are just one piece of a larger puzzle. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">An incomplete puzzle kept hidden for fear that the scars would distort the image that the world would inevitably consume. But the scars are no reason to hide the puzzle, especially when it’s far easier to build it in the light of day. Just because I’m sitting down to, finally, build my puzzle for the world to see, doesn’t mean I have to give them the power to determine the final form. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">No, that power rest with me. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We are not defined by gods, religions, nor mankind. We define ourselves and always should. No excuses and no substitutions. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.”~ Harvey Fierstein </span>Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-314644135128299732015-06-02T17:10:00.000-04:002015-06-02T17:12:05.017-04:00Santeria <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Experiencing the sublime. I have to admit, when Karen first mentioned an episode on the sublime my mind instantly went back to the 90s. Me, standing in my bedroom, giant headphones firmly affixed to my ears, and the gritty sound of rock music piercing my eardrums. My father hated my music, still does. At least I wasn't practicing Santeria, and while I would have easily spent a million dollars then, I’d like to think I would be a bit more cautious with my money now. Either way, I shook the 90s flashbacks, and atrocious use of song lyrics, from my mind and focused on the task at hand. The idea of experiencing the sublime and how one does it when they’re godless? </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> First, the notion that the sublime is reserved just for the believer is preposterous. In a world of unspeakable majesty how can anyone stake claim to it? We know the processes involved in creating a glorious sunset, we can name the chemicals responsible for the overwhelming joy that parents experience when they hold their children, and we have devices that capture all the awe-inspiring moments of our lives. We download and upload these moments hundreds of times for others to see. One doesn’t need belief in a puppetmaster in order to appreciate the world, and all of its majesty, just as it is. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What does experiencing the sublime mean for me, though? What causes me to transcend this short little life of mine? For me, it’s those moments when the world stands still and it’s just you and those you love. It’s seeing someone, really seeing them, basking in their humanity and appreciating that they exist in this world right along with you. The sublime, for me, is the sight of my children running through a sea of falling cherry blossoms and being too into the moment to even bother reaching for my camera. For me, I transcend this plane of human existence when the awe of this universe, this planet, and its people take my breath away and remind me of my own humanity. No matter how big or small those moments are, they exist without a god, and I find that I appreciate them more now than I ever did as a believer. And for that, I’m grateful. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Were you so busy experiencing the sublime that you missed the Experiencing the Sublime episode? Don’t worry, I missed it too and I was suppose to be there! Never fear, though, because I’ve embedded it below. After you’ve enjoyed that episode, take a peek at our newest episode in the sidebar right over there ------> </span></div>
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<i>Copyright(c)2015 Rayven Holmes </i></div>
<br />Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-74468774946402779512015-03-25T17:26:00.001-04:002015-06-02T17:14:31.852-04:00Questions, Questions, Questions Questions. Children have them. They are a never-ending chasm of questions and wonder. Of course, we want to encourage their questioning, their desire to know. Some damn days the answers don’t come as easily as we would like, though.<br />
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The other day Professor Chaos bolted into the living room, presumably basking in the glory of the removed baby gate, and positioned himself at the end of the couch. He had a question. Tilting his rainbow colored head to the side he began:<br />
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“Mom, dad says that boys can have vaginas and girls can have penises,” I confirmed that what his father had told him was correct and then I waited for the question(s) that I knew were about to follow.<br />
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“Well, how is that?” I breathed a sigh of relief, that one would be fairly easy to explain. I told him that people don’t always feel that their outside matches the person inside, so they take steps in a long process to make that happen. Sometimes that means changing everything, sometimes that just means a few things change. What’s in their underwear doesn’t define if they are male or female, though, the person defines that.<br />
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He nodded in understanding and then said, “Well, I get that. That’s not what I’m asking, though”. Then my heart skipped a beat because there wasn’t going to be anything easy about this conversation.<br />
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He started again “I want to know how they have a penis or vagina”. I looked at him for a moment, slightly confused, because we’ve discussed reproduction before, but he’s only seven and it’s been a while so I figured he needed a refresher. “Well, it happens in the womb when the baby is forming.” Then we watched a video on male and female sex organs and a four-minute time-lapse animated video on fetal development.<br />
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Job complete. High five mom...or not.<br />
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He shifted on the couch and then locked his brown eyes on mine, “So that’s what I looked like when I was inside you?” “Yes, I replied, "sort of. You didn’t look exactly like that at the end, but all the rest of the stuff is right.” Mission complete. The victory march plays in my head and then… “I already know all that stuff, though. That’s not what I’m trying to ask.”<br />
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Damn it.<br />
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“Well”, I asked exasperated, “what, exactly, do you want to know?”</div>
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“I want to know how they are that way. Why couldn’t they just be born the way they want to be?”</div>
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Holy shit. This parenting thing was supposed to be simple. Go back to when I could just put something shiny in your face or turn on Blue’s Clues to end a line of questioning clearly above my pay grade and worldly intelligence.<br />
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I had to admit I didn’t really know how or why and do my best to say something of use. “Their reproductive organs develop one way, while who they are as a person develops another way. No one can tell another person who they are, that’s for all of us to discern for ourselves. Our job is to love and support everyone. Just know that we’ll love you no matter how you identify, OK?” He nodded his understanding and then my inquiring mind needed to know if he felt like a boy, a girl, or something else. He responded he felt like a pony, like Rainbow Dash. Then he lamented his disappointment in my not letting him have blue skin, I told him one day we could get him a blue bodysuit. He thought it was a fair trade. I reminded him one more time that we would love him no matter what, to which he sighed and said “Mom, I know! You guys tell me everyday”, before dashing out of the room.</div>
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I patted myself on the back and then I got myself a beer.</div>
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I’m still waiting for this parenting thing to get easier. I’m starting to believe that’s a lie told by people to keep us in the parenting trenches for the long haul. <br />
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<span style="font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; white-space: pre-wrap;">Copyright(c)2015 Rayven Holmes </span></div>
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Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-49212912996713714502015-03-16T20:58:00.004-04:002015-03-16T20:58:46.261-04:00What's It Like <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh sweet blog of mine, it’s been a while. Not that I haven’t written, or started writing, various posts for you...I just haven’t taken the time to finish them, edit them, or upload them. I've been pretty fucking busy over the last year, to be frank, so I've neglected areas of my life I love -such as writing- so I could focus on getting through my husband being gone for 9 of the last 12 months with, what’s left of, my sanity and children still in tack. I do have goals for this year, writing wise, so it’s time to dust off the ol’ keyboard and make some magic happen. Hopefully, before Uncle Sam notices I’m enjoying myself and fucks it all up. Let’s begin...</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Last year, I touched on the difficulty of starting over when it came to making friends and the agony of putting oneself out there. </span><i><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*If you weren't a follower then or completely missed the post you can find it </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><a href="http://dysfunctionalhomeschooler.blogspot.com/2014/04/that-still-small-voice.html" target="_blank">HERE</a></b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.*</span></i><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Despite my misgivings, I still jumped into the giant social pool and swallowed the bitter pill that is acceptance of our current duty station. Of course, with mixing and mingling with the general population you encounter the standard line of questioning that comes with interacting with the human race. It’s a tedious checklist humans fumble through to determine if you’re a human worth investing the time needed to actually move up to the exciting tidbits that make someone a whole person or if you’re not. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>“Where are you from?”</i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>“Any siblings?”</i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>“How old are you?</i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>‘Are you married? What about kids? Oh, wow, and how old are they?”</i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>“What does your spouse do for a living?”</i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>“How long have you been married? Where did you meet?”</i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I find it very reminiscent of the old A/S/L line of questioning from AOL chat room days. Eventually, the conversation turns towards wanting to know where my children attend school, unless I’m with a group of homeschoolers. At that point in the conversation I start to sweat just a little bit, despite homeschooling growing, people are still pretty clueless about it. Aside from some preconceived, often inaccurate, notions about who homeschoolers are and what we do all day. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After stumbling through the </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>“Where do your kids go to school?” </i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">question and the subsequent questions that follow, I figured I would get off my ass and finally write a post to address this a bit. Here we go folks! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">First, let me address how I usually respond to the question </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>“How long do you plan to homeschool?”</i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, this question is usually asked with slightly narrowed eyes right after I blurt out the words “Oh, they don’t go to school. They are homeschooled”. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Over the last year I've usually answered this question with a stammered and stuttered </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>“Well, we’re going to evaluate every year and then make a decision”. </i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> ← </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>This is bullshit! </b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When we first started homeschooling, formally/officially/what the hell ever you want to call it, the plan was to evaluate every year simply to appease The Spouse. That was the only reason we were going to do yearly assessments to dissect our homeschooling efforts and determine if they were “working”. Here’s the thing, though, if a child is learning you know. Annual assessments are, generally, pointless. If you’re constantly observing what a child is doing and how they are handling the work they are being given why do you need to have a separate assessment? You don’t. Our kids are learning, growing, and dysfunctional enough to be interesting. We have no plans to put our kids in public school, ever. Just like a great deal of public school parents could </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>NEVER </b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">imagine homeschooling we could</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b> NEVER </b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">imagine sending our kids to public school. It’s not for our family and we’re all cool with that. So how long will we homeschool? Until T.B.M. reach the point where they can branch out into their chosen paths. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>*Or they beg us to send them to public school...which is highly doubtful, because they aren't fans of wearing clothes everyday or being anywhere before 9am.* </i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After the how long question I, usually, get a question along the lines of </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>“What’s it like?”</i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. I will admit I like this question, because it means people are willing to learn about what is considered an alternative to the norm. They realize that the Duggars and horror stories that make the evening news are not complete representations of homeschoolers, which is fantastic. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Answering that question, though, isn't as clear cut as I think people expect it to be. What is it like to homeschool? Well, that depends on the day. I guarantee you, though, what it’s like in our home on any given day is completely opposite from what it’s like in someone else’s home on that very same day. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The best way to give you all understand of what it’s like is to paint a picture of an average week. For us, average means spending at least 75% of our week at home. We love our home and the large wooded lot it sits on, plus we’re all happier when we don’t have to run, run, run. On an average, and I use that word loosely, week the kids get up and start their chores, consume breakfast, and head outside to play for a bit. Around 10-1030am they head upstairs to our schoolroom and start their assignments for the day, unless it’s a co-op and music day and we are gone nearly all day long. On an excellent day we have what we call History Tea Time, which is just me reading aloud from whatever decent history book I've managed to get my hands on plus a snack for the kids. Then there’s lunch, some yelling, finishing of school work, begging for candy, dinner, evening chores, bedtime stories, and the wonderful silence of sleeping children. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sounds rather dull, right? Dare I say it sounds rather...normal, at least everything after about 3pm. It can appear that way. We have cycles we go through when we’re very busy and involved in something and then we have moments of calm and just being in this phase of our lives. This ebb and flow is a delicate balance that we work to keep, often resulting in chipping away at things that disturb our flow. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There are days when we forgo our regularly scheduled programming and the boys, especially Professor Chaos, spend their whole day in the kitchen cooking. Other days they exist outdoors coming in only to eat and possibly use the bathroom, sometimes they choose to just water a tree. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A great deal of T.B.M.’s day is spent doing whatever they see fit. A couple of years ago I changed the way we approached our schooling, instead of trying to cram in a handful of subjects everyday, we only focus on one or two core subjects a day. In order to ensure they are still getting any necessary practice for the other subjects (reading, writing, math) they have daily assignments which are quick and reinforce whatever needs reinforcing. This means once they have knocked out their daily assignments and core assignment(s) they have hours at their disposal to read, explore, and connect. Those are the things we value over a schedule full of social events and a mile long list of extra-curricular activities. That’s our ideal. That’s what it’s like for us and that’s what works for our family. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Interested in hearing more about secular homeschooling? Well, check out Episode 6 of The Secular Parents!</span></div>
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<i>Copyright(c)2015 Rayven Holmes </i></div>
Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-52526896552540134072014-04-26T23:15:00.000-04:002015-03-16T21:03:14.608-04:00That Still Small Voice<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” </i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>~Elbert Hubbard</i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In order to obtain a friend, someone who knows all about you and still loves you, you have to first put your neck on the line and risk the guillotine of rejection. Aside, from the rejection is also the reality of eventually moving again from my own personal perspective. I've found over the last year, as I've written and rewritten this post, that this is something I’m struggling with. I made quality friends at our last duty stations, but I've also had to say goodbye to them and rely on the beauty of the internet to stay connected with them. When you’re part of the</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><a href="http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/in-atheists-we-distrust/" target="_blank"> most hated group in America</a></i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> finding friends can be difficult and depending on where you live damn near impossible. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m in the fortunate position where we are currently stationed to come across people who don’t seem to have a problem with my heathen ways and a few who are happy to hear that I am in fact a godless heathen. Which you would think would have me jumping for joy and completely bearing my soul on the altar of inclusion, but something keeps holding me back. This small voice that whispers sweet nothings of doubt into my ear. “Sure they’ll accept you” the lusty voice begins, “but you know one day you’ll have to say goodbye. Do you really want to go through that again?” Well, no little voice, I don’t. I don’t want to have to put on the tough face, I don’t want to hike up the big girl panties, I don’t want to have to start over again. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The voice knows this and I know this, and so here I sit. It’s Saturday night and I’m rewriting this for the third time today. How does one convey the agony of saying goodbye to quality people and the burning desire to protect your emotions from further pain, even if it’s what you've known your whole life. I was born and raised in the military life, I know what it expects, I know goodbyes are part of the territory. That doesn't make them any easier and as I age I keep asking myself is it worth it to put myself out there? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A lot of time and energy has to go into making and maintaining meaningful relationships, and that little voice is there to always ask me “Is it worth it”. I don’t know anymore. Part of me wants to say yes, yes it’s worth the hurt that will come one day. It’s worth the lifetime of memories, those moments over Oreos and books that bring a smile to your face and a small tear to your eye. Memories of curry lunches, pedicures when you've forgotten to shave your legs, because friends don’t care about that, and silly photos to fill the photo albums you keep safely tucked away. Memories that bring joy and pain in the same heart stopping moment. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then part of me thinks about all the moments I've missed out on weddings, births, celebrations of life and death. The ups and downs of life, a friend is there for those, and when you consider yourself a friend to someone and you miss out on those moments, it hurts. It adds salt to the wound that goodbye already created. The voice reminds me “The less friends you have the less you’ll miss out on and the less guilt you’ll feel”. I've said over the years that I have given up making new friends, honestly it can be exhausting mentally, emotionally, and physically. No matter how often I say this though, I still climb back in the friendship ring. It’s getting harder to hop that rope though. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Can you ever reach a point when you listen to the small voice of doubt completely, throw in the towel, and cut yourself off from the risk of new relationships? I’m not sure myself. Maybe it’s something that only time will be able to answer. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How about you? Yes, you, the military spouse, the spouse of a nomad, whose life is one series of hellos and goodbyes. And you, the nomad who can barely recall the last five places you've lived. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What say you? How many rounds do you have in you before you listen to that nagging voice and tap out? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Copyright(c)2014 Rayven Holmes</i></span></div>
Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-64014496980163296912014-04-15T10:00:00.000-04:002014-04-15T10:00:00.924-04:00So Many Books, So Little Time <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">While wasting away time on the Book of Faces I came across the following image: </span></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-x8lPBSQMdPM/U0yDL9RL7GI/AAAAAAAADSg/zY82QcCFX_Y/s1600/favoritebookpic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-x8lPBSQMdPM/U0yDL9RL7GI/AAAAAAAADSg/zY82QcCFX_Y/s1600/favoritebookpic.jpg" height="238" width="400" /></a></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-e4ab94fc-62dc-5cba-66e3-c610ee98bf22" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I eventually shared it and of course that lead to book talk. Books, books, books, everyone has favorites. The ensuing dialogue got the wheels in my mind turning and I thought how glorious would a list of people's favorite books be?! I'm always looking for book suggestions, but not just for myself. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>So dear blog readers I have a request, in the comment section below please share your top two favorite books of all time</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b style="font-style: normal;"> </b><i>-excluding religious holy text-</i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>and your top two "every child should read this" books. </b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I'll take all of the suggestions and compile a list that will be easily accessible on my blog. It will be updated with each new suggestion. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So hurry and share, there are books in need of devouring! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Copyright(c) 2014 Rayven Holmes</i></span></div>
Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-68685033926828579842014-02-28T16:32:00.001-05:002014-02-28T16:32:50.252-05:00Throwing in the Towel <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I have a confession to make, some days I just want to throw in the towel. This of course isn’t an uncommon phenomenon in homeschooling. When our neighbors pieced together that T.B.M. were homeschooled I heard the usual “you must be very organized and patient”. I had to silently chuckle and give my standard smile, shrug, and dismissive “meh...I’m a bit Type A”. Am I more organized and patient than parents who send their kids to public or private school, I highly doubt it. There are days when my precious darlings voices sound more like nails on a chalkboard than sweet singing angels. </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-4857080f-7a68-7152-d65c-e351fad47511" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Our last couple of weeks have been nails on a chalkboard weeks, where every fight I have to referee, every complaint and question I have to field,and every unfinished assignment is another notch in the “you shouldn’t do this” belt. These past few weeks as I’ve looked at my never ending to-do list, the chaos of my home that is still in PCS purgatory a year later, and the sound of nails on the chalkboard screeched my name I mentally snapped. I was done. Screw it. Never fucking again. I was going to toss General Disarray and Professor Chaos into public school and hunt down a preschool for Stormaggedon. Then I could reclaim my sanity-and hang a picture without having to investigate another crash!-, because I had clearly failed at this whole homeschooling- stay at home mom thing. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then Tuesday morning General Disarray got up, quietly did his chores, inquired about breakfast, and then disappeared for a bit. When he reemerged it was to show me a series of drawings he had done, they were plans for mods he wanted to make for Minecraft. He was thrilled to show them to me, but he was disappointed too. “I want to make these, but I have to wait until I’m adult before I can make a mod” he insisted. He was convinced this was only a skill an adult could acquire, because us adults possess the ability to do things that kids can’t -ha!-. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I assured him that he didn’t need to be an adult to create a mod for Minecraft he simply needed to learn to program, and even that could be learned at his age. After a bit of Googling we discovered Scratch and made him an account. He spent the rest of the day exploring and learning. On Wednesday, after he plowed through his regularly scheduled lessons with gusto, he went back to work on the various projects he had started the day before. His dinner conversation that evening was lively, he was so excited to share with us what he had done and what he plans to do. In the chaos of unorganized books, piles of unfiled paperwork, screams, complaints, and general life insanity a fire had been lit. I did nothing more than let him know he was capable of something and then gave him the tools to do it, but then again that’s what I believe education should be. To equip an individual with the skills and tools needed to fulfil their dreams. It’s easy to forget why we do this day in and day out when we’re in the middle of the chaos that comes with homeschooling. So today I’m remember why I do this, because tomorrow will be chaos, everyday is to some extent, but in the chaos are victories-both large and small-. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Will T.B.M. still be homeschooled this upcoming school year, yes. Will I still have moments of feeling as if I’m failing and days when I add to the strands of white hair that have started appearing on my head? Of course. I’ll take solace in those precious moments when the why behind what we do becomes very clear, I’ll push forward knowing that more victories await us, and I’ll keep quality wine and chocolate on hand for the chaos.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>“Take your victories, whatever they may be, cherish them, use them, but don't settle for them.”</i></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Mia Hamm</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; white-space: pre-wrap;">Copyright(c) 2014 Rayven Holmes</span></div>
<span style="font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span>Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-87082103069804930272014-01-14T12:00:00.000-05:002014-01-14T12:00:04.041-05:00Positively Realistic <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."</i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>—William A. Ward</i></span></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-2fbea75a-8f03-5e37-db01-af7604d541d2" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Parenting, especially homeschooling, has taught me one very important thing, while adjusting the sail don’t forget to throw your head back and feel the breeze on your face. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Our homeschooling journey has had its’ ups and downs and I've been realistic about it. There are days though, like yesterday, when I reach for our materials and realize that my little creator of chaos has actually accomplished the items needed to move from K/1st to 1st/2nd </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>-I do a combination of grades allowing for them to have more flexibility in their core academic requirements-. </i></span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So our plans in the next few weeks will include a little graduation for him, something he has been looking forward to for a very long time. As realistic as I am that our struggles aren't over, that there will still be days when I want to bang my head against the desk, or actually bang my head against the desk. There is hope, that there will always be a breeze to refresh us. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Copyright(c)2014 Rayven Holmes</i></span></div>
Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-10376561844824752802014-01-01T16:39:00.001-05:002014-01-01T16:41:34.343-05:00Goodbye and HelloWow. 2013, what can I say? Well, if you've read this blog for any amount of time you can tell I didn't say <i>(type)</i> much during the year. On my personal blog I love to do a yearly recap, highlighting a post from each month, of course if I did that for this blog I would have <b>FIVE</b> whole post to share. Blimey, that sounds a bit depressing, and in a way it is because I do enjoy blogging. It’s therapeutic, it allows me to keep a running log of almost everything we do -when I actually take the time to sit and type it up-, and it’s fun to share our life with others and get a peek into their lives as well. As much as I enjoy it, 2013 just wasn't the year for it, sure I could have made myself do it, but then it would have lost what makes it special for me and that’s just no good. <br />
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2013 wasn't a bad year, just a transitional one<i> -to steal a phrase from a friend of mine-,</i> and I think a break from all those various online things I spent 2011 and part of 2012 doing was good, mostly. When we got to VA I had one goal in mind, it was my big yearly goal for 2013, to experience <i>“all the things”</i> in relation to home schooling options we have here. There is a sea of co-ops, home school groups, clichés, clubs, and teams to get absorbed into. Now we didn't take part in all things on the running list in my head, but we did throw ourselves head first into a lot of opportunities, despite the chaos at home of adjusting to life back in the states, for our kids that was a huge adjustment because they don’t remember life before Okinawa. As well as adjusting to a new area in general, first time home ownership, and the fact that we spent the first three <i>(almost four) </i>months of 2013 living in and out of TLF rooms <i>(temporary living facilities for you non-military folks) </i>which took its toll on everyone, we soldiered on in hopes that when the house of cards fell the pieces worth keeping would land face up instead of us just landing face down in a puddle of our own salty tears. <br />
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Well, the winds of 2014 blew the house down and I can say I’m pleased with the cards that are face up. 2013 was an exhausting year, but we gained some great insight into what works for us and what breaks us. Once again I find myself reverting back to a central schedule, that got thrown to the wayside in 2013, and as a result there were clear negative changes in behavior, that were further agitated by all the other changes our family was going through, and not just for the children but for the adults as well. I’m a firm believer in family cohesion and acknowledging that change doesn't just upset the children, but the adults as well, and our reaction to those changes can cause even more issues for our children. It can easily become a cycle of negativity, stress, and frustration. Now, personally that’s now how I like to live my life, and not how I want to live it, nor does this allow for a cohesive family unit. The beauty in today’s obstacles is clarity tomorrow, though, and I have plenty of clarity now. <br />
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We’re all going into the new year with a family schedule, once again, and the freedom to say no to anything that doesn't fit, of course Uncle Sam is the only loop hole to this, but we have a pretty good idea about what he has in store for our family this year, which is a tremendous improvement over the last few years, and will allow our schedule to work in our favor even more than it has in the past. <br />
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For new readers let me reiterate something I've mentioned countless times before, I know schedules don’t work for every family. Some like to play things loosely goosey and find that the rigidness of a schedule reminds them of public education and thus they avoid it. That’s what makes the individuality of home schooling so amazing, what works for my family doesn't have to work for your family. Take the bits you like and apply them as you see fit and throw out the rest, my family is just one example of the sea of home schooling families out there, and I promise you we all have a very different way of getting through these years of sleepless nights, family upheaval, and algebra. Find what works for your family and stick with it and if or when it stops working embrace the freedom to change it. <br />
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And if all else fails, just dance. <br />
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<i>Copyright(c)2014 Rayven Holmes</i></div>
<br />Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-47641150422070891512013-10-18T08:00:00.000-04:002013-10-18T08:00:13.786-04:00The Write Stuff<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Writing. Some people really enjoy it and others...well...they don’t. I fall into the </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“enjoy it when I’m in the mood” </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">camp. It’s a great release, the ability to articulate one’s ideas onto paper is just amazing to me. Of course lately I haven’t been in the mood for writing-</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">which sadly includes blogging-</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. The ideas are there, I've even started a few blog post, but the desire just fizzes. I blame lack of sleep and far too many commitments. So what do you do when life’s comings and goings impede on your desire to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard)? You do a rewrite. Yes, I’m rewriting our life. Slashing commitments from our schedule and slowly retreating back into our little den, similar to life circa 2011, but with a few more friends, and a co-op that we may or may not do again next school year. </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-1846f11d-c9e2-c736-ec1b-c23a6c242567" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Our move back to the states was a curse and a blessing all in one. We, finally, have all of the opportunities that I wanted the boys to have and experience, but those opportunities bring with them commitments of our time, money, energy, as well as a whole lot of extra stress. Which has a tendency to zap what little energy reserve a mother of three has to start with and I’ll admit I’m a bit selfish. At the end of the day, after teaching, feeding, cleaning, refereeing, and generally keeping all three of them alive I still want to have energy for my own hobbies and interests. I don’t currently have that and it depresses me</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-which isn't good-.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As a way to help usher in our lighter load and to help motivate my fingers to get back into typing I thought participating in </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><i><a href="http://nanowrimo.org/" target="_blank">NaNoWriMo</a></i></b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-instead of just talking about possibly participating one year in the near or distant future- </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">would be a good idea. Then, I found out they have an option for kids and I got really excited and the little wheels in my sleep deprived brain started turning. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I've mentioned before that we were moving to a one subject a day type of school schedule and we've been doing really well with it. It’s removed a lot of the pressure that comes with feeling like you have to cover everything in one very long day. Instead we focus our energies on one core subject for that day and highlight things that need a bit of repetition to stick, usually using games or relaxed question and answer sessions before dinner. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After looking over the NaNoWriMo information I thought what better way to expand on this idea then by focusing just on reading and writing for the month of November. Their readings would be a mixture mostly fiction with a healthy dose of books that tied in history and science so those things aren't completely neglected. They would also still be free to play their educational math apps and other little games. I may even have them do a math lesson or two if they experience writers block, but our overall focus would be on letting our imaginations come to life on paper. They both already love telling their own stories at bedtime and General Disarray has been working hard on a series of short stories over the past few months, this just seems like a natural progression for their already creative minds. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This will also be a great segue for them as well as myself into what life is going to be like after November. Less distractions, more time to pursue our creative selves in the comfort of our home, and more emphasis on being present in what we’re doing instead of just going through the day to day motions and checking things off of a calendar. Feel free to call us hippies, it really doesn't matter as long as we’re enjoying what we’re doing -at least 90% of the time-. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now you might be asking </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Can your kids really write a novel in a month?”</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Maybe. Hell, I don’t even know if I can get it done. The beautiful thing about NaNoWriMo for kids is that they get to set their own word count, and they have a nifty word count calculator to help kids determine what their goal should be. Now obviously General Disarray will have a higher goal count than his brother because they are at two different stages in their writing abilities. For General Disarray I really want him to just write, I figure the more he does it the better he will get at it. I also think he has enough ideas with his short stories to really produce a fun novel. With Professor Chaos this is more about helping him see, in an applied way, how a story grows and develops. Basically, it will be for teaching him the parts of a story and helping him to learn how to go into more detail and tie parts of a story together. Since he struggles with writing we’ll be using dictation for his story. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I plan to take it a step further though and after it’s all over I’ll print out their novels and have them illustrate them, then we’ll bind them and they’ll have their very own book. Told in their own words, illustrated with their own art work. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><a href="http://ywp.nanowrimo.org/" target="_blank"><b>NaNoWriMo’s Young Writers Program</b></a> </i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">does make it easier to do something of this magnitude. There are plenty of resources on their website for anyone interested in giving it a go with their kids. They even offer a <b><i><a href="http://ywp.nanowrimo.org/workbooks" target="_blank">free PDF workbook</a></i></b> (three versions so you can pick the one that fits your child’s grade range) which we’ll be using to kick off the program towards the end of this month. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hopefully, we’ll all come away from this with a little more passion for creating words on paper (or electronic paper) and three awesome novels. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Copyright(c)2013 Rayven Holmes </i></span></div>
<br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span>Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-44937707189954350612013-08-30T12:00:00.000-04:002013-08-30T12:00:04.702-04:00Letting Go Of The Wheel<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My children are like night and day. While Stormageddon's personality is starting to blossom, General Disarray and Professor Chaos are very easy for me to peg. For General Disarray learning and retaining knowledge is effortless, as long as he is somewhat focused. He may not always fill you in on what he has learned that day but, you'll hear about it in full detail when he's ready. Professor Chaos on the other hand struggles with the things</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> "average" </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">kids his age are </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"expected"</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> to do. He needs more time to process new information, he needs more time to formulate a response, and he needs the information presented in different ways. Sitting still and doing worksheets isn't the best method of instruction for him...I know this now. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">About a year ago I was as big as a house and fed up with a lot of things including homeschooling Professor Chaos. Sure, General Disarray and I would have our bad days but, generally speaking we got accomplished what we needed to do without starting WW3. Not with Professor Chaos though, oh boy he is an eye opening experience. We would be chugging along in our Teach A Child To Read lessons, Saxon Math, or a whole host of other materials we used; and then he would just stop, shut down, and not even try. I would push and he would push back, eventually we would both be angry and in tears and I would be left wondering if I was making the right choice. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Maybe he would be better served in public school? He was five years old, surely he should be able to do all these </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-unrealistic-</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> things we expect of little people who just stopped crapping their pants the year before. The thing is he couldn't. He wasn't developmentally ready for what I had been programmed to believe he</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> "should"</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> be doing. Sure there are kids who can do those things and more with no effort when they're five, General Disarray was one of those kids. Professor Chaos wasn't though and all my pushing did was create a negative attitude towards learning in general for him. Which is something I observed in public schools and it’s not something I wanted to recreate in my own home. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So I backed off. I let go off the wheel. I still read to him, well as much as I could with a baby and an international move. Thankfully, he has a wonderful older brother who would, and still does, spend hours reading to him. I still worked in concepts like letter sounds, numbers, basic addition and subtraction throughout the day but, did very little formal/planned learning with him. I gave him the chance to steer and then one day a few months ago, while sitting in our hotel room watching his brother plow through a lesson, he turned to me and asked "Can I do some school work too?" He had steered the wheel back into the school lane all on his own. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now, I will admit internally I cringed a bit thinking back to all the struggles we've had, but I said yes and proceeded to dig through the materials I packed until I found something just for him. He's been growing by leaps and bounds ever since. I've had to realize that I'm not the driver of the bus they are, it's just my job/responsibility to help guide them in the right direction. I'm like their own personal Garmin, except I know</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-well I'm learning-</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> that there are moments when I need to just sit down, shut up, and let them go left when I really want them to go right. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sure, I could have fought with him over the last year, but where would that have got us? Would he be eager for his assignments every day? Would he turn to me while in the middle of what use to be such a tedious task for him and exclaim </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"You know mom I think I'm having fun!"</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">? Probably not. He would be like a growing number of kids who decide that school is hard and unpleasant because they were forced into it before they were mentally, emotionally, and physically ready for it. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Just because a child reaches a certain age determined by others doesn't mean they are ready for formal education. One very important lesson I've been learning on our homeschool journey is that there is no one size fits all when it comes to learning and education. What one child may be able to do at five another won't be able to do until they’re seven. It's easy to forget that each person, and that's what a child is</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-a person-</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, develops at their own rate. But, they do. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I'm striving to remember that as Stormageddon grows. He may not get there at the same time as other children his age, he may even get there early, but he will get there. And if he, or his brothers, happen to hit a dead end I'll be there on the dashboard to help them make the necessary u-turn in the right direction. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">."~Greg Anderson</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Copyright(c)2013 Rayven Holmes</span></i></span></div>
Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-57801906329948490462013-08-26T21:28:00.000-04:002013-08-26T21:28:25.845-04:00We Go To Church<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*GASP* </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Did I just type that? Now before the holy rollers start praising Jesus, just slow your roll and back the Jesus train up a bit. Now, I say church but, I do not mean church in the context the average American thinks of church. There isn't any praying... well, there’s probably some somewhere in the building but I'm not part of it. No one is laying on hands unless there is a hug involved and the one time hell was mentioned the laughter it caused warmed my dark evil godless tree-hugging heart. So I wouldn't call it church.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I prefer the term <b><i><a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fellowship" target="_blank">fellowship</a>,</i></b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> not just because it’s the name on the building but, it more accurately describes what happens there. Of course the bigger question is why I of all people would go to a </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">* looks around...whispers...*</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> church? My last encounter with a church was in 2008 and it was a favor to my father because they were having a family and friends day and we just happened to be in town on that very Sunday. Talk about a miscalculation in my vacation planning! Since then I've done my best to avoid religious institutions and religion in general-</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">aside from debates and general rage induced rants-.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If I generally don't like religion why would I crawl out of bed on a perfectly good Sunday morning? The Spouse and I pretty much agree that religion is generally a waste of time but, when it comes to Unitarian Universalism he and I differ. I find UUism...interesting, yeah I think that's the best word to use. You never really know what you'll get. Before I walk into any relatives church I can tell you exactly what will happen, moment for moment-based on the flavor of Christianity they prescribe to- and when it's all said and done I'll still be going to hell in their eyes. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But when I walk into a UU fellowship I'm allowed to confront nearly 30 years of religious bullshit that would take years to wade through and this blog is not the place for it all, and I can do it in a community of love and understanding. Which gets to the why of it all. Over my life I've heard and seen things that have made me cynical, unyielding, and at times downright cruel to those who believe a whole host of things that I just don't see any shred of evidence for</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>-and to the human race in general-. </i></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now, granted at times this has been justified, I see no point in playing nice with someone who equates gays with pedophiles or who claims that Atheist and other non members of the </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"right" </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">religion are the cause of all the world's problems. But, I can't lump people who carry one label in with all the idiots who also carry that label. It's not fair to project my baggage on individuals who are good decent people. This I know, that doesn't mean it's easy to do. In fact, far from it, while I work through my own personal issues with the religious community though, I still have three little people who are looking to me for answers. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have no issues with sharing my personal beliefs with them </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>-they are <b>my</b> children after all-,</i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> and have done so and will continue to do so. I know, though, that my own personal beliefs about every single issue are just that, my own. I can't very well criticize religious parents for not giving their children the option to find their own beliefs and then prevent my children from doing the same. It's hypocritical and truthfully for me it seems unfair. The one thing I hated more than anything on Sunday mornings growing up was the fact that I wasn't given a choice. I had to go to church, I had to believe that what I was told was the only truth, and I better smile while I praised the sweet baby Jesus for all he does! I've never wanted that for my children. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Every Sunday they are given a choice and they go if they so choose, they learn in an environment where they are free to question, and where they can talk with other people from various backgrounds and start to think deeper about what they've been taught at home or heard from family members. They have the freedom of choice. And while they're exploring their beliefs they're also reaffirming values we teach in our home, and who doesn't love an outlet that tells your kids to just be a decent loving human being simply because we only have this one planet and we all have to live on it together? No threats of eternal hell fire, not gods and goddesses to please. </span></div>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-46f9d68a-bd1d-25bb-253f-638c8e9223fe"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Just people working together to make the world a bit better. I can get out of bed for that. </span></span><br />
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<span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Copyright(c)2013 Rayven Holmes</i></span></span></div>
Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-54945748755121697812013-08-14T16:13:00.003-04:002013-08-14T16:39:51.242-04:00Wordless Wednesday: A Work In Progress....<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-La9AM_UFoBw/UgvkQ0KwkCI/AAAAAAAAC6Q/ei_JX33MgjY/s1600/IMG_2404.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-La9AM_UFoBw/UgvkQ0KwkCI/AAAAAAAAC6Q/ei_JX33MgjY/s640/IMG_2404.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A sneak peek at our schooling space. Check back next week for a tour of where *some* our schooling magic happens.<br />
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<i>Copyright(c)2013 Rayven Holmes</i></td></tr>
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<br />Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-54781839204187230632013-02-25T18:15:00.002-05:002013-02-25T18:17:52.112-05:00O.M.G.!!I haven't updated this blog since October 2012!! Holy cow has it really been that long?! Needless to say things have been very busy in our dysfunctional world. Since I do have a post in progress <i>(the same post I alluded to back in October)</i> I'll just make this one a picture post to give you some idea of the crazy we have been living since October.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JbnuFIERTuA/USvrdCXw_eI/AAAAAAAACsI/PEyT2RepoGs/s1600/IMG_0121.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JbnuFIERTuA/USvrdCXw_eI/AAAAAAAACsI/PEyT2RepoGs/s320/IMG_0121.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We've tried some new recipes (they had Nutella inside of them!)</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tq_XkN2El-s/USvrxseNR6I/AAAAAAAACsQ/94HxTyiyr8s/s1600/Holmes+Family-11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tq_XkN2El-s/USvrxseNR6I/AAAAAAAACsQ/94HxTyiyr8s/s320/Holmes+Family-11.jpg" width="212" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We took our first official family of five photos; they were also our last professional family photos in Japan. </td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ejl2dLu6KIU/USvsD-U7cSI/AAAAAAAACsc/qmFQeu8e3kY/s1600/IMG_0313.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ejl2dLu6KIU/USvsD-U7cSI/AAAAAAAACsc/qmFQeu8e3kY/s320/IMG_0313.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We endured three days of movers in our itty bitty Japanese house. </td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JFkoyQCtcho/USvsDnIhg2I/AAAAAAAACsY/fwdthaP08rs/s1600/IMG_0316.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JFkoyQCtcho/USvsDnIhg2I/AAAAAAAACsY/fwdthaP08rs/s320/IMG_0316.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We slept on air mattresses. </td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vICFWoUGGZM/USvsL8FeSLI/AAAAAAAACso/xX8uaNoQsYU/s1600/IMG_0128.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vICFWoUGGZM/USvsL8FeSLI/AAAAAAAACso/xX8uaNoQsYU/s320/IMG_0128.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We had our last field trip to the Okinawa Aquarium. </td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yTHIQyakXtE/USvsjuyjNiI/AAAAAAAACsw/EY_IYDa57L0/s1600/IMG_0450.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yTHIQyakXtE/USvsjuyjNiI/AAAAAAAACsw/EY_IYDa57L0/s320/IMG_0450.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We said goodbye to Japan after four life changing years.<i> (This was taken at 30,000 feet as the sun went down in Japan and our time their ended).</i> </td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fSF1zcS0VI4/USvsjw27MrI/AAAAAAAACs4/OWxmPJc_REM/s1600/IMG_0455.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fSF1zcS0VI4/USvsjw27MrI/AAAAAAAACs4/OWxmPJc_REM/s320/IMG_0455.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We got back to America and discovered that the place put in charge of storing our vehicle had done this to <b>ALL</b> the seats in our car as well as other things to it. The damage can't be put into words and posting all the pictures would completely change the mood of this post...so instead I'll let your imaginations run wild. </td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uxMahRQmiNM/USvslYzhV_I/AAAAAAAACtI/9BEm9b_67Ko/s1600/IMG_0477.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uxMahRQmiNM/USvslYzhV_I/AAAAAAAACtI/9BEm9b_67Ko/s320/IMG_0477.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lastly, we arrived at our new base in VA. This is the sun rising over the Chesapeake, I still had wicked jet lag when I took this. Things have improved jet lag wise. Although, I must admit I miss Japan more than I thought I would. Uprooting your life doesn't get easier, but the adventures you get to take do make the headaches worth it!<br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">If any of you happen to call VA home please feel free to share in the comments what you like to do for fun in the state for lovers.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><i>Copyright(c)2013 Rayven Holmes</i> </span></div>
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<br />Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-69438001472337101312012-10-15T13:30:00.001-04:002012-10-16T00:46:04.320-04:00A Subject a Day Keeps the Insanity Away<br />
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Four, on a good day that is the number of subjects we
attempt to cover. That’s with me
combining writing with their language arts/reading work. To be honest…I hate it! Think about it, how truly effective is it to
try and cram so much into one day? Even
with the freedom homeschooling affords us, it still feels like we are rushing
to keep up with our lesson plans. If we
spend more time on math then we are a bit behind on science/history in
relationship to what is planned out.
While sure it’s not really that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things because we can just school during a day that was normally planned as an off
day, but who really wants to give up their off days? I sure don’t!
I look forward to those days where I have no errands to run, no
playdates or field trips, no lessons to deal with; just me, myself, and reruns
of my favorite shows. </div>
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One thing I despised about my public school experience was
the way we bounced from subject to subject.
One minute you are knee deep in a novel during English class, the next
you are trying not to fall asleep while you stare at your textbook listening to
the teacher drag on about the Revolutionary War. Part of the reason I was so passionate about
homeschooling T.B.M. had to do with wanting to avoid what I view as the short
comings of public education; and then I went and planned our day just like what
I spent 12 years hating, what the frick frack was I thinking?! <o:p></o:p></div>
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I've mulled over the decision to go to one subject a day for
a while now, awhile meaning about two to three years, I kept telling
myself it was a crazy idea. My biggest
concern was that they would forget what we covered during the week with such a
big gap between their lessons in any given subject, but then I thought, if I
plan just right then, hopefully, they won’t.
Multiple subjects a day is draining for us, school becomes a checklist
of assignments to complete instead of the full immersion experience that I'm aiming for. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So I’m doing away with a schedule that involves trying to
squeeze multiple subjects in one day and replacing it with the following
schedule: <o:p></o:p></div>
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Mathematical Mondays (Math)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Test Tube Tuesdays (Science)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Wordy Wednesdays (Language Arts)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Time Traveling Thursdays (History)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Foundation Fridays (Life skills, Etiquette, character/virtue
study, etc.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Does this mean there will be no reading work at all on
Mondays? No, there will still be daily reading;
it will just be more relaxed because the actual reading lessons will be on
Wednesday. Math will also be worked in
as well; on Wednesdays we’ll do a few word problems that tie into the math
objective of that week, while giving the boys a chance to hone their reading
skills. There will also be math and
reading on Tuesdays during our science work, and plenty of reading for
history. My goal is to weave various
subjects into the day, but keeping the main focus on the that day's subject. So on Test Tube Tuesdays if we do chemistry experiments we will use a bit of math, followed by reading and
history when we learn about an important chemist, and teaching proper
lab/safety information ties into our foundation work since I consider
lab/safety knowledge an important life skill to learn. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Next week will be the start of our one subject a day
learning, I’m a bit nervous, but also extremely excited since I've wanted to
make this move for a while now. It seems
far more practical and I think it will ensure the level of subject mastery that
we are striving for. Plus, it will be
fun to spend all day fully immersed in one subject! Oh the projects we’ll create!</div>
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How do you organize your day? Do you focus on one subject, multiple subjects, or something else entirely? <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Copyright(c) 2012 Rayven Holmes</i></div>
Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-2775841622564639242012-10-13T01:49:00.000-04:002012-10-16T00:46:58.327-04:00Life Is InsaneThere is really no other way to put it. Our life right now is completely insane, in a
good way of course. Six weeks ago I had
our third son, yup third! Some people
collect stamps I, apparently, collect sons.
He has brought with him tons of joy and of course the typical chaos that
ensues when your schedule is based around when a little one needs to nurse or
be changed. I've sat down to blog, or at
least think through a blog, and have had to quit in order to please the podling
who from this moment forth will be referred to as Stormaggedon Dark Lord of
All, or Stormaggedon for short.<br />
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Aside, from adding Stormaggedon to The Bringers of Mayhem,
we are also preparing to move after the New Year, and of course homeschooling
through all of it. I've been mulling
over a few directions to take our schooling in hopes of producing better
results and a happier learning experience for the boys. I've also been dreaming of a homeschool room
that our next house will allow us to have, as well as ORGANIZING!! Yes, I’m addicting to organizing. </div>
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There is plenty I need (want) to blog about before this year
is out! So while I lay the foundation
for those posts, Stormaggedon commands all you peasants to watch these videos. If you don't get it, you will after the videos. If you do get it, I award you 10 awesome geek points! </div>
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<i>Copyright(c)2012 Rayven Holmes</i></div>
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Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-40253721116895460692012-07-04T09:21:00.007-04:002012-10-16T00:47:35.314-04:00New Carnival of Homeschooling<br />
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There is a new <b><i><a href="http://taytayhser.blogspot.jp/2012/07/homeschool-bloggers-carnival-mommas.html" target="_blank">Carnival of Homeschooling</a></i></b> over at <b><i><a href="http://taytayhser.blogspot.jp/" target="_blank">Homeschool Atheist Momma</a></i></b>! It’s the first time I’ve
shared a post for <b><i><a href="http://taytayhser.blogspot.jp/2012/07/homeschool-bloggers-carnival-mommas.html" target="_blank">Carnival of Homeschooling,</a></i></b> so head over and see what was
shared by everyone. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Copyright(c)2012 Ravyen Holmes</i></div>
Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-59245694710960928492012-06-15T06:25:00.004-04:002012-06-15T06:25:37.460-04:00Friday FlashbackI actually have a blog post in the works, but until I finish that enjoy some Peter Frampton!<br />
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<i>Copyright(c)2012 Rayven Holmes</i></div>Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-2271245669406637652012-04-22T03:37:00.000-04:002012-04-22T03:37:53.872-04:00What Would You Do?<br />
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A few days ago I overheard a conversation while at one of
T.B.M.’s extra activities. It was
between three girls, two of which attend public school and one who is
homeschooled, the homeschooled girl is roughly 2-3 years younger than the other
two girls. One of the girls started the conversation
by telling the girls what grade she was in and then asking the other girls
their grades, the other public school girl told her grade and then turning away
from the girl who is homeschooled goes<b> –in a very condescending tone-</b><i>“She’s
homeschooled, so she doesn’t have a grade”.</i>
At this point the homeschooled girl attempted to explain to them that it
depends on the subject, like with many homeschoolers, but the girls just spoke
over here never listening to what she was saying. Then they started in <i>“Well why are you
homeschooled?” “Do you even want to be
homeschooled”.</i> The girl tried to once again
explain what they do in her home and her mother’s reasons for choosing home
education, she <b>NEVER</b> once said she didn't want to be homeschooled, in fact she
was attempting to speak on the positives and getting repeatedly interrupted. </div>
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Eventually the girl said that they just didn't understand and walked off to regroup her thoughts, my heart sank for her. Not only because these girls weren't listening to her, but because a lot of it seemed very orchestrated. I've watched her mother have to try to
explain their reasons to others at this same place before and the things these
young girls were saying seemed like they came right out of the mouths of the
other women who had ganged up on the homeschooled girl’s mother before. </div>
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The young girl eventually came back over and was content to
just stand and wait until it was their time to take part, but the other girls
weren’t finished. Instead they started
in <i>“Well if your mom doesn’t think the schools are challenging enough she can
just put you in the gifted class”</i> and <b>–this is the part that made me go WTF the
most- </b><i>“How is your parents able to even teach you?”</i>. How is?
How is? Oh sweet grammar, she is
really trying to promote public school and belittle homeschooling while using
such horrible grammar? They then tried
to say things such as <i>“Just talk to your mom about coming to real school, you know
cause you don’t want to be homeschooled” </i>and<i> “Well if you come to regular
school like us you will be able to meet more kids your age, which you really
need to do.” </i>Seriously? 11 year olds really say that to one
another? My BS alarm was ringing<i>-they
had to of been prompted right?-</i>, my blood was boiling, and yet I couldn’t
speak. <o:p></o:p></div>
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What would I say?
Well, I had a million and one things I <b><i>wanted</i></b> to say, but these are
children<i>-none of which included one of my children-.</i> Children, who clearly seemed to have been
given an agenda, an orchestrated series of questions to ask and comments to make,
which I found upsetting and sickening I
found myself wondering as T.B.M. and I got ready to go to the car if I should have
said something, anything, to maybe make these young ladies think. Would it have been worth it? I’m sure the homeschooled girl would have appreciated
it, but does that cross a line when it’s not your child? Should we ensure that by a certain age they
can defend homeschooling and our family’s choices? Why do they even need to defend it?! I think I was so floored that it was children
saying it, I’ve heard adults make these comments millions of times<i>-especially
my own family-</i>, but I’ve heard next to nothing from other children<i>-especially
of this caliber-. </i> The most I have
directly heard was when General Disarray was asked one day which school he
attended because, the boy who asked never sees him around school, he told the
boy he was homeschooled, and the boy goes <i>“Oh, well I wish we went to the same
school so we could see each other more”.</i>
I’m pretty sure this would have been the boy’s response no matter what,
since we don’t live in the same school zone as him, and it’s an understandable
response given their ages and how much fun they have when they are able to
interact with each other. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The exchange between the three girls though, has left a
horrible taste in my mouth, and I wonder what would other homeschoolers
do? Would you sit and observe and
internalize the interaction so you can better prepare your own children for
similar interactions if they ever arise?
Would you speak up and tell the girls that every family has to make
decisions for their family and sometimes these decisions aren’t the same as
everyone else's, but these decisions are given a lot of thought. And maybe if they are genuinely interested in
learning about homeschooling they should either hush and listen to what the girl is saying or ask the girl’s mother why she made the choice she did? Or would you do something else entirely? <o:p></o:p></div>
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Should I be spending some time each day helping T.B.M.
perfect a homeschooling elevator speech?
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Really what I want to know the most is <b>WHY DO WE HAVE TO
DEFEND THIS?!</b> Why do our <b>CHILDREN</b> have
to defend this?! I don’t see the kids at
this activity who attend public or private school having to defend their
parents choices for sending them to these institutions, but those of us who opt
out of these institutions have to defend that decision, why the hell is
that?! <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><i>Why, why, why, why, WHY?! </i></b><o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Copyright(c)2012 Rayven Holmes</i></div>Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6053729199420880645.post-73104437436162039042012-04-14T13:51:00.000-04:002012-04-14T13:51:30.503-04:002012-2013 School Plans<br />
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Back in <b><i><a href="http://dysfunctionalhomeschooler.blogspot.jp/2012/01/new-year-new-plans.html" target="_blank">January</a></i></b> I touched on our 2012-2013 plans and after
ordering some of the needed items, viewing some of the materials a friend of
mine had, and a long chat with The Spouse the decision was made to change up
our plans. Despite my original stance on
using a “box” curriculum or “all-in-one” I had a change of heart, which is of
course the beauty of homeschooling, you can change things as you see fit. <o:p></o:p></div>
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While we have managed to get some work done this year,
neither the spouse nor I ,are pleased with the current way things are
progressing-there is a lack of structure we both feel is necessary in our
homeschooling-and our home in general-.
I had gone back and forth for some time over using Oak Meadow, I did
like the way the program looked, but didn’t really want to use an “all-in-one”. After a long discussion with The Spouse<i> –I’m
talking about a conversation that went well into the early morning hours!-
</i>where we both expressed concerns, expectations, positives, and negatives of
switching as well as our current hodgepodge of materials. <o:p></o:p></div>
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We went through the Oak Meadow Grade K that I had purchased
from a friend and decided that while we like the material it was too easy for
Professor Chaos so I purchased the Grade 1 for him and we will be starting that
as soon as it arrives. For General Disarray
we decided to skip fourth grade because he already knows a great deal of the
material Grade 4 covers and what we haven’t covered Oak Meadow covers as review
in the start of the year, so we are going directly to Grade 5. <o:p></o:p></div>
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We won’t be using it as a complete “all-in-one” because we
prefer Saxon Math and find it to be a bit more advanced/challenging than Oak
Meadow. We’ll use the Oak Meadow
provided Math for the first three grades and then switch to the Saxon 5/4 math
and go forth from there. We’ll also be
supplementing our science and history work as well for more in depth
study. <o:p></o:p></div>
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As for our yearly game plan, General Disarray will start his
Oak Meadow work this upcoming week, since the program is broken down into 36
weeks we’ll finish up right before Christmas-no planned breaks- and then take
off from our regular schooling until we get settled at our next duty
station. We’ll do some light work to
ensure material learned isn’t lost during the 2 - 2 ½ month break. For Professor Chaos we’ll be using Hooked on
Phonics, Explode the Code, and a series of math workbooks until his Oak Meadow
work arrives and then we’ll use Hooked on Phonics in combination with Oak
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We won’t finish up Professor
Chaos’ work before the Christmas break, so we’ll do a light version of it
starting after the holidays<i>- at the same time we are starting the light work
for General Disarray-</i> that will put Professor Chaos finishing up around the
time we are settled at our next duty station.
Once we are all settled in we’ll stop the light work and take a good
solid two weeks off to relax, adjust, and prep for the new school year. <o:p></o:p></div>
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That’s our school plan and I’m looking forward to seeing how
the school year unfolds. There are also going
to be changes to our daily schedule as well, but that is for another blog
post. After I’ve got some much needed
sleep. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;"><i>Copyright(c)2012 Rayven Holmes</i></span></span></div>Rholmeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16563042593918868331noreply@blogger.com0