A few days ago I overheard a conversation while at one of
T.B.M.’s extra activities. It was
between three girls, two of which attend public school and one who is
homeschooled, the homeschooled girl is roughly 2-3 years younger than the other
two girls. One of the girls started the conversation
by telling the girls what grade she was in and then asking the other girls
their grades, the other public school girl told her grade and then turning away
from the girl who is homeschooled goes –in a very condescending tone-“She’s
homeschooled, so she doesn’t have a grade”.
At this point the homeschooled girl attempted to explain to them that it
depends on the subject, like with many homeschoolers, but the girls just spoke
over here never listening to what she was saying. Then they started in “Well why are you
homeschooled?” “Do you even want to be
homeschooled”. The girl tried to once again
explain what they do in her home and her mother’s reasons for choosing home
education, she NEVER once said she didn't want to be homeschooled, in fact she
was attempting to speak on the positives and getting repeatedly interrupted.
Eventually the girl said that they just didn't understand and walked off to regroup her thoughts, my heart sank for her. Not only because these girls weren't listening to her, but because a lot of it seemed very orchestrated. I've watched her mother have to try to
explain their reasons to others at this same place before and the things these
young girls were saying seemed like they came right out of the mouths of the
other women who had ganged up on the homeschooled girl’s mother before.
The young girl eventually came back over and was content to
just stand and wait until it was their time to take part, but the other girls
weren’t finished. Instead they started
in “Well if your mom doesn’t think the schools are challenging enough she can
just put you in the gifted class” and –this is the part that made me go WTF the
most- “How is your parents able to even teach you?”. How is?
How is? Oh sweet grammar, she is
really trying to promote public school and belittle homeschooling while using
such horrible grammar? They then tried
to say things such as “Just talk to your mom about coming to real school, you know
cause you don’t want to be homeschooled” and “Well if you come to regular
school like us you will be able to meet more kids your age, which you really
need to do.” Seriously? 11 year olds really say that to one
another? My BS alarm was ringing-they
had to of been prompted right?-, my blood was boiling, and yet I couldn’t
speak.
What would I say?
Well, I had a million and one things I wanted to say, but these are
children-none of which included one of my children-. Children, who clearly seemed to have been
given an agenda, an orchestrated series of questions to ask and comments to make,
which I found upsetting and sickening I
found myself wondering as T.B.M. and I got ready to go to the car if I should have
said something, anything, to maybe make these young ladies think. Would it have been worth it? I’m sure the homeschooled girl would have appreciated
it, but does that cross a line when it’s not your child? Should we ensure that by a certain age they
can defend homeschooling and our family’s choices? Why do they even need to defend it?! I think I was so floored that it was children
saying it, I’ve heard adults make these comments millions of times-especially
my own family-, but I’ve heard next to nothing from other children-especially
of this caliber-. The most I have
directly heard was when General Disarray was asked one day which school he
attended because, the boy who asked never sees him around school, he told the
boy he was homeschooled, and the boy goes “Oh, well I wish we went to the same
school so we could see each other more”.
I’m pretty sure this would have been the boy’s response no matter what,
since we don’t live in the same school zone as him, and it’s an understandable
response given their ages and how much fun they have when they are able to
interact with each other.
The exchange between the three girls though, has left a
horrible taste in my mouth, and I wonder what would other homeschoolers
do? Would you sit and observe and
internalize the interaction so you can better prepare your own children for
similar interactions if they ever arise?
Would you speak up and tell the girls that every family has to make
decisions for their family and sometimes these decisions aren’t the same as
everyone else's, but these decisions are given a lot of thought. And maybe if they are genuinely interested in
learning about homeschooling they should either hush and listen to what the girl is saying or ask the girl’s mother why she made the choice she did? Or would you do something else entirely?
Should I be spending some time each day helping T.B.M.
perfect a homeschooling elevator speech?
Really what I want to know the most is WHY DO WE HAVE TO
DEFEND THIS?! Why do our CHILDREN have
to defend this?! I don’t see the kids at
this activity who attend public or private school having to defend their
parents choices for sending them to these institutions, but those of us who opt
out of these institutions have to defend that decision, why the hell is
that?!
Why, why, why, why, WHY?!
Copyright(c)2012 Rayven Holmes
April 22, 2012 at 4:08 AM
I also wonder about crossing that line with other children. Unless I see children treating another one horribly, I tend to stay out of their conversations, their play, their problems, etc.
But if I know a child and/or her parents, I'd probably step in to an uncomfortable situation like that *or* go find the parent.
It is irritating to have to defend our decisions, and I'm pretty much at the "It's nobody's business but our own point" with that. ;)